I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
