An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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