So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
