I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
