I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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