I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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