mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
