you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
