I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
