somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
