Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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