This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
