Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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