Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
