I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
