I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
