While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
