I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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