if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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