we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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