I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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