Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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