If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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