i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
