What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
