A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
