Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
