I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The Olympian is in my bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
