I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
