Don't make out with my wife yet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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