i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
