take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
