i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
