I hope mine doesn't look like that
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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