He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
