so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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