I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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