Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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