Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
