and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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