he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
