Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize