He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
