There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
