I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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