Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
