I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
