walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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