Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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