ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
