someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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