i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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