like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
