drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
