did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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