u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
