You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize