I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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