My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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