I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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