i already hear my dad disowning me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
