Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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