his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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